Blind Faith

by Tammy on March 14, 2018

It looks like I had come back here to post on the 10th of February, but all I managed to write was the name of the post I was going to write, which was called “monkey wrenches.” I have no idea what I was going to say, because so much has happened over the past month. First, April got all moved to Alabama and has been settled in for nearly a month already. Dan had his meetings, got April settled as best he could, and then drove straight through the seventeen hours it took to get home so that we could get the house ready to sell. I worked the entire time he was gone and did everything I could do on my own, and then last week he did everything he needed to do, and we put the house on the market on Friday, March 9th. The first people who walked through the door on Friday put in a full price offer on Saturday, but it was contingent on them selling their house. They put it on the market Monday and had two offers yesterday. So the contingency should be removed today and we will be able to put a sold sign on our house. I am so thankful to God for allowing it to go as quickly as it did, because selling a house with birds was as bad as I thought it would be. Rounding them up to leave the house, making sure I cleaned up all remnants of bird poo and flung food, and finding something to do with them and three dogs for an hour or more each time the house showed were majors inconveniences. We ended up having about six or seven showings and not a single second offer, but it only takes one, and this family really wants our house, so I am happy they got it.

Friday they are having their home inspection done and after that we should be able to relax a bit before it’s time to start packing up in earnest. I have already done a lot of packing, so it shouldn’t be too bad, but the time between our move and actually moving into our new house will be another annoyance. We will probably live in our RV for a month or so, and I am very thankful that we have that option, but it gets cramped and our son will probably be living with us much of the time. He may stay with his sister part time, but she is technically not allowed to have visitors stay with her for more than three days in any calendar month, so we definitely don’t want to get her into trouble.

My mom and I are going down in two weeks to visit April for a week and while we are there we are going to look at some houses. I’ve already started the pre-approval process for a mortgage and Dan has given me permission to make an offer on a house if I find one I really like, so I think it’s going to be a really fun trip.

I began praying for our buyers several months ago. I had faith that God had everything under control, but it is still so easy to doubt. Even now, it feels like something could go wrong and prevent us from moving. In my heart I know everything will be okay, but it’s hard to believe in something I can’t see–something that is still in the future. And yet, I have no trouble at all believing in God, even though I can’t see Him. I just sometimes have trouble believing that He wants to give me my heart’s desire. Especially after I lived down in Alabama for almost a year and I gave it up. I remember being on a walk with April in our neighborhood and I had this extremely strong sense that God was telling me that I had to hold on loosely. A few months later we were planning to move back to Nebraska, a place I swore I’d never return to. I now understand why. My sister, my uncle, my mother-in-law, and my mom’s dog have all passed away since 2014. My mom needed me here. But now, I can be there for her without living here. She knows she is more than welcome to come and stay with us whenever she wants to and we will come back to visit her.

I just want to have more faith than I do. I want to believe beyond the shadow of a doubt that I can trust God. Why is it so hard sometimes? I think it’s because He is under no obligation whatsoever to give me what I want. He knows what is best for me, but even if my desire is not best for me, I still want it. That tells me that I do not trust Him as much as I should. But my daughter is living down there now, and certainly He wants me to be close to her. I have to say that I will be happy when all of this is over. May 4th is our tentative closing date, so we should be out of here around the first of the month. I pray that God gives me the faith to trust Him unequivocally.

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